10 Unhelpful Things People Have Said to Me About Depression

I know people generally mean well, but I've heard so many things that would've been better left unsaid, by strangers and loved ones alike. I've seen lists like this online, and even if my list ends up similar to other ones, then it is worth repeating.

Here are ten things that people have said to me, and my thoughts on each.

1. Just be happy/positive!

First of all, I am happy! In many ways. I am still depressed. Second...I am positive often, but being positive at all times is not helpful. I used to be fake positive and all that did was mask my true feelings. There is healing to be found in exploring the hurt, anger, and negativity. In order to overcome these things, I need to understand them.

2. You aren't eating right, that's why you have depression.

Do I eat perfectly healthy? No. Does that mean I'm eating "wrong"? No. I've tried changing my eating habits to be healthier, but I ended up less satiated, more exhausted, and still depressed. Try making food when you can barely get out of bed, let alone healthy food. I don't think a good diet is detrimental at all, but most of us depressed people already tried this. Depression is more than just an unhealthy diet. Also, please don't assume you know my eating habits.

3. You just need to exercise and you won't be depressed anymore.

I have exercised-induced asthma so certain exercises are really hard on me. Despite this, I try to walk, hike, and bike often. Some of the many symptoms of depression are lethargy, apathy, and insomnia. There are days I am bedridden because of these symptoms (and I suffer from more than depression alone). On days like that, exercise isn't going to happen, and honestly? It's not the top priority when I'm in survival mode. That isn't to say exercise doesn't help (it does in many ways!), but there are plenty of people that are very athletic, and yet, they still have depression.

4. I know someone with depression, and they aren't like this.

Great for them! But they are not me. Depression affects everyone differently.

5. Everyone gets depressed sometimes!

Depressed as in general sadness? Yes! Depression as clinical depression, dysthymia, etc? No! Diagnosable depression is different than every day sadness.

6. It will pass in a few days.

It hasn't since I was 15. I'm 28 now. I have major depression, which requires at least a 2 week straight period of the symptoms. 

7. You don't need medicine. Have you tried this herbal remedy?

Yes I do, and yes I have. Without my medicine I was much worse in every way. With my medicine I feel more evened out, even though it isn't a cure and I still have struggles. It helps, and who are you to judge me in what I choose to treat my depression?

8. It's all in your head! Stop being so dramatic.

Precisely why it is called a mental illness. If I could magically poof mental illness away, I would! I would LOVE that. That isn't how things work, unfortunately.

9. You're just being weak. Suck it up.

Yes, I've actually been told this. Even from people I thought were friends. I don't think I need to explain why you shouldn't say this to people, right? ...right?

10. You have no reason to be depressed. Be thankful for what you have!

I've had pretty traumatic things happen to me, but also I noticed that mental health issues such as bipolar and depression run in my family. I have depression, whether I have any immediate, situational reason to be, or not. I have depression when I'm happy, and when things are going great. I am so grateful to be in a better place mentally, and to have my loved ones, and to have my basic needs met. That doesn't mean I'm going to pretend I don't have depression.

So...what should you say to someone with depression? Honestly, there are times when you don't really need to give advice. You can always offer to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on, to drive them to any doctor/therapy appointments, and let them know that if they need anything to please reach out. And even if they don't reach out, sometimes you can check in on them.

If you still want to give advice, the way you say it matters. And, ultimately, if they don't want your advice or tell you why it hasn't worked, just accept it and move on.